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Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a > subway next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was > plastered with red lipstick, anda half-empty bottle of gin was > sticking out of his torn coat pocket. > Heopened his newspaper and > began reading.After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and > asked, 'Say Father,what causes arthritis?'The priest replies, 'My Son, > it's caused by loose living, being withcheap, wicked women, too much > alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,! sleeping around with > prostitutes and lack of a bath.'The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, > I'll be damned, ' > Then returned tohis paper.The priest, thinking about what he had said, > nudged the man andapologized. 'I'm very sorry. > I didn't mean to come on so strong. > How longhave you had arthritis?'The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, > Father. > I was ju...