Dilbert's funny one liners

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1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
>
> 2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
>
> 3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
>
> 4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your
> time.
>
> 5. When everything comes in your way you're in the
> wrong lane.
>
> 6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming
> train..
>
> 7. Born free, taxed to death.
>
> 8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't
> have film.
>
> 9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
>
> 10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
>
> 11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll
> have trouble putting
> on your pants.
>
> 12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are
> everywhere.
>
> 13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the
> paperwork.
>
> 14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the
> jammed paper tray and
> the blinking red light.
>
> 15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The
> guy who invented
> the other three, he was the genius.
>
> 16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there
> to appreciate
> it.
>
> 17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
>
> 18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have
> one?
>
> 19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
>
> 20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
>
> 21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the
> sudden stop at the end.
>
> 22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn
> louder!
>
> 23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law
> of Burnt Fingers
>
> 24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
>
> 25. Someday is not a day of the week
>
> 26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the
> lock.
>
> 27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
>
> 28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
>
> 29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you
> think again, neither does
> Milk.
>
> 30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that
> you don't need it.
>
>
> And my favorite ...
>
>
> 31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal,
> expensive,
> fattening or married to someone else.*

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